You’re FINALLY at the last step in your adoption process. Months of waiting, hoping, praying and, if we’re being real here, crying, are behind you. You’ve been counting down the days to this moment. You’re probably shouting, “I AM GOING TO CHINA!!!” And then, “OH MY GOSH!!! I AM GOING TO CHINA?!?”

All of the sudden, it’s not just a hope, wish or future plan, it’s reality. I know that feeling of panic so well. This will be our fourth trip to China to adopt in four years. I consider myself an expert packer. Except, not. There is no such thing. There will always be that one item that I forgot. Or, that one item I was SURE I needed and then never touched once during my entire trip. You’re adopting a child you’ve only seen through a computer screen. You don’t really know their size, let alone their likes and dislikes.

So, the first step in packing is to give yourself some grace.

Take a deep breath and start thinking in terms of your travel style. Are you one of those people who sits and worries the entire 12 hour flight about your luggage? Who likes to be sure that she has everything on her person? Then maybe going carry on only is the way for you. Yes, it is possible to pack everything you’ll need to get to China in only your carry on luggage. This is the way I go every time I travel.

Or, maybe you need to travel with medications and medical equipment and you’re more comfortable knowing that you won’t have to shop while you’re there, that you’ve brought all the items you’ll need the most with you. Maybe what makes you feel most secure is the knowledge that you have some of home with you at your fingertips. My husband is more this style.

There is no wrong way to pack. And, in what might be one of the most stressful times of your life, it’s important to do what makes you feel comfortable.

That said, I wouldn’t recommend taking a ton of ‘just in case’ items. China has GREAT shops. If you’ve forgotten anything, you can feel reassured by the knowledge that you will likely be able to find a replacement in China. The exception to this is, sometimes, medical equipment. Most medications can be bought in China, but if you use a medical device (CPAP Machine, glucometer, etc) please make sure this is packed carefully in your carry-on.

For me, China is not the time to break out my best clothing. You have two choices when it comes to laundry: the hotel room sink or sending your items out to be laundered (your guide can help with this). The hotel room sink is what it is, and the laundry services usually use very hot water and a large amount of perfume. If you have sensitive skin, plan accordingly.

I am a lover of fashion and really had to work to pare myself down to items that could be mixed and matched. There are some amazing videos online that can help to guide you on ways to do this. I started pinning them to a Pinterest board I created to help me remember all the little tips. I bought new shoes for the trip. I had tried them on, but never worn them for long distances before. Lesson learned. New shoes are great, but wear them for long walks first. You walk a lot in China, and blisters are horrible.

Packing the right items for your child seems so important before you get to China. Toys, shoes, books, sippy cups or water bottles take up SO much space. My largest lesson learned was to become minimalist with these items. Shopping for them in China is fun. It’s a welcome distraction for a child who is grieving and might need something else to focus on besides being in the hotel room. For most kids, the language of love is a new toy.

Older kids love picking out their own backpack and a toy or two. These items are inexpensive in China, and easy to find. Any electronics you brought with you are also a HUGE draw for older kids. Do you have a cell phone, tablet, or laptop? Load some simple games on it. This is a great distraction while you’re waiting through long business related appointments. And this takes up next to no space. As far as clothing goes, the child may not want to give up the clothes they’re in right away. I never wanted to fight that battle. Sometimes, my kids wore the same clothes day after day in China. That’s okay. It’s all about doing what makes them feel safe in the moment. Older kids might love shopping for some new duds too.

For the younger crowd, it’s less about new, and all about familiarity. If your child still uses formula, you won’t want to bring an unfamiliar variety of formula. You’ll want to find out from their caregiver on the day you meet the child what formula they use, how they drink it (open cup, sippy cup or bottle) and then you’ll want your guide to help you find that kind of formula and the most similar cup or bottle you can find. Sometimes, staff from the Social Welfare Institute will bring you these items. I recommend using them your entire trip. This will be a huge comfort for your child. A toy that looks similar or sounds similar to one they had before will also be a great comfort. You can ask about their favorite toys when you meet your child. Diapers that they’ve used before can help prevent a rash. I always purchased diapers in China. Clothing that feels and looks familiar can help too. For my younger kids, I packed a few diapers to get me through the process of meeting them, and for the few hours after. As soon as I needed to, I shopped for diapers, clothes and toys when I had them with me. I didn’t even attempt to buy shoes until I had my child with me. Shoes that are worn in China feel different to kids then American shoes do. Even something as seemingly small as changing the type of shoe worn can trigger more grief from a child who has already lost so much.

You’ll likely pack your bag, unpack, and re-pack, multiple times. That’s all normal. It’s what every parent-to-be does during this process. Any lists you make, or borrow from someone else, will likely change or may not fit your individual styles and needs. While you wait for your child, or wait to travel, making your own list based on your own needs and your child’s age is a great distraction.