The Second Time Around Should be Easier…Right?

In a new series that focuses on writing from the view point of a parent who is currently living it, we reached out to Megan, a mom who is currently completing her second adoption from China. She is at a critical point in the paperwork process and writes eloquently about what every parent feels when they are waiting for what seems like an endless amount of time to meet their child, a complete loss of control.

“It will be so much easier this time because I know so much more about the process.”

I told myself these words at least a dozen times. I told my husband, my family, and my friends these words and felt certain they would somehow be true. Somehow, because I knew all of the steps and how long they (usually) took; I felt like my worries and fears about the process would feel easier to handle the second time around.

One major thing I failed to remember about the adoption process: we, as parents, have little or no control over most steps along the way to bringing our child home.

Loss of control.

That’s a hard thing as an adult to be able to handle. We have grown accustomed to schedules and to to being able to control most of our day. When a family is in the process of adopting the control falls into the hands of agencies, governments, orphanages, and social workers. Families are often left feeling like everything is out of their control.

You’re often left waiting for the next step. Maybe you’re waiting on an update on your child, a piece of paper that approves you to bring them home, finances, fingerprints, or paperwork…the lists of things families WAIT for goes on and on.

So how do you make the waiting EASIER? I don’t think it ever gets “easier” when you have a child waiting for you on the other side of the world, but you do have a choice on who your village is that you can lean on when the waiting gets HARD. Surround yourself with friends and family that are there to support you during this hard time when you feel like NOTHING is in your control.

REACH OUT to other families that are in the same process of “waiting”. One thing I’ve learned during both of our adoption processes is that other moms that are feeling that same loss of control are some of the most amazing people to lean on.

In the end, sometimes it’s best to release as much emotional and mental control as you are able to. This can help you gain peace as the process takes care of itself and time allows you to bring your child home.

When you feel like control has been completely taken away, remember to give yourself some GRACE about your emotions during the wait. The days and weekends seem to drag on as you WAIT, but in that moment when your child is placed in your arms for the first time- everything HARD about this loss of control, is suddenly gone from your heart and mind. Every day that you wait gets you one step closer to having them in your arms forever.